When it gets to be around this length, I typically have a moment of weakness during which I turn to Teh 'Bride2 and say, "You have 5 minutes to gather your Implements of Follicular Mass Destruction and cut my hair. Hurry. By 5:01, I may have changed my mind."
Now, Teh 'Bride, who loathes hair of all kinds, appreciates this concession, even though there is an undeniable streak of cruelty in it because asking her to find anything that she last used a year ago in < 5 minutes pretty much assures 4:59 minutes of panicked rushing about and screeches of "Waitwaitwaitwaitwait!" and "Where did I PUT them?!" and various other ejaculations which is pretty entertaining for me and almost renders my having made a decision that I'm pretty much assured I'll regret 30 seconds after the cutting is over worth it. I'll end up a sad, shorn Melvin but I'll've been entertained so it has its rewards.
Well, even though right now my hair is at the usual It's starting to bug me-length, it's not bugging me. But yet I have agreed to have it cut.
Not because Teh 'Bride, hater-of-hair, has been bugging me to get a hair cut (And get a JOB, too, Hippie3!), because she knows doing that will backfire and just cause me to become more stubbornly hirsute; but rather because, well ... it's a long story and involves the Phillies.
You see, the Phillies started the 2012 season not doing very well. Lots of injuries, some poor playing, blah, blah, blah. There are reasons for the Phils' relatively poor performance but the details are not germane - in fact, they're not Teutonic at all. Har! Good one, me! This hair gives me the power of Bad Punning!
Thing is, I was losing patience with them and was yelling at the TV when they played and being short-tempered when they lost, etc. I was not exactly fun to be around when the Phillies lost.
But after talking to my sister-in-law, who recommended I be less gloomy and have a more cheery outlook, I figured, What the hey - it can't hurt. Plus, that's a better way to be, just in general.
So with my mantra Don't be a fair-weather fan, I told Teh 'Bride that I was so confident that the Phils would sweep (win all three games from) the Padres when they came to town that, if they didn't, she could cut my hair.
A lesser man might have said, "If they don't win the series" or gone vague by saying "if they don't 'do well'" - whatever that may mean.
But not me. I said - it's a sweep, or I lose my Golden Tresses.
Well, Reader, not to spoil it for you, but the Phils did not sweep the Padres; they lost game two of that series 2-14. And you should have noticed two thing, here, if you're paying attention:
That loss occurred over two weeks ago (May 12); and the first sentence of this post reads "Currently [emphasis added, but fuck you, it's my sentence, I'll add what I want], my hair hangs down roughly to my shoulders", which sure seems to imply that here I am, two weeks+ later with all of my hair intact.
So what the fuck gives? you ask.
Well, first of all ... language, Reader, language. No need for the potty-mouth.
Second: We've been busy so Teh 'Bride just has not gotten around to it. No, I haven't been trying to weasel out of the deal5. In fact, it being a Debt of Honor, I've been reminding her irregularly ever since the loss that she has won the right to cut my hair. But it either turns out to be a long day and she's too tired at the end of it, or we're just too busy that day or we forget. Whatever the reason, it hasn't happened yet.
But it will.
Sadly ... it will.
Ran 4 miles this morning at an 8:36 pace. Roughly 91 running miles for the month and 475 or so for the year so far.
1 Sorry, no pix. The pix here might give you an idea, but the headband kinda distorts the effect.
Best I can do. Sorry, hair fetishists.
2 The only barber I trust because when she cuts my hair, I don't have to worry about having to make barbershop small talk. (I dislike the social aspect of going to the barber, just as I dislike the social aspect of ... well ... everything. Let's just say I dislike having to be social, and leave it at that.)
Other advanatge of having Teh 'Bride cut my hair: I don't have to pay her. At least, not in money. RrrrrrRRRRRowrrRRR!
3 Variant spelling of "Hippo", because I've kinda let myself go, weight-wise.
4 Though they did win two out of three and Ian, my sister-in-law and I were there for game 3, which they won 3-2 with Cole Hamels pitching a great game. Of course, Doc pitched a great game in game two but they still lost it. Sigh. The Phillies didn't bring their bats that day but that's okay because all it cost me was my fucking HAIR!1!
5 Not that I'd be ashamed of myself if I were trying because, as Homer Simpson sagely explained: "Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals ... Except the weasel."